I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you win again, gameday.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
