The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
