just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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