Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
