quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
