I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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