Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm like, not good at living.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
