Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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