you guys were way drunker than both of me
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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