My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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