I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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