remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
