Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize