Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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