So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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