Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
