thus making me awesome and them whores
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
