I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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