Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
