The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
it hurts more in the daytime
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
