1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
