i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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