what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
