Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
