Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
