I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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