Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
