put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
