I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
