is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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