What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
