It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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