dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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