I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
