it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
