Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
