I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
