I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I didn't notice because vodka
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
