can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
