alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I need moral support for this bender
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
