She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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