k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize