god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
