Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
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