I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
