Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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