woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
