For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
