My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize