im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
