I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
