I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Success! We fucked roommates!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize