High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
40s are totally the cure
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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