he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
