and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
