why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
