Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize