she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
