This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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