Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
