I just threw up on my dentist
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
