she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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