I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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