Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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