i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
