I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize