Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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