How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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