I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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