I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
what day is it and did you see me today?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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