I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
