Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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