Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
