so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
