So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
