He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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