The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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