Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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