I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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