9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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