the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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