seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I am mentally ready for anal.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
