That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
