dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Fuck me I smell like cheese
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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