You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
