roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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