I molested 6 butterflies tonight
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
