I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We need to get me chipped asap
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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