Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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