if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize