I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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