Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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