She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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