What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
