Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
