So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
