found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
