That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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