my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
