If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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