My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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