she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
