paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I faked an abortion last night.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
