dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
