Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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