I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
