i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
