you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
