ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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