The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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