I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize