OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
